Make The Invisible Visible
No Psychic Capabilities Required
10 was the year my parents forgot my birthday. My father was forced to take me clothes shopping. M&S didn’t do children’s clothes & when he asked me what size I was he muttered “I’m not having you mutton dressed like lamb” & took me to a boys shop instead.
We got home, my mother was doing the dishes I sidled up to her & asked what “mutton dressed up as lamb meant”. She explained, asked me why no reason & I walked away but confused why was my father comparing me to mutton?
This was the year my father’s best friend Captain Earl John Dawdy died. He’d just recovered from cancer & it was his first flight back.
Everyone knew I loved John he was my second father. So, the day he came to visit after he’d got married I was excited but John knew the moment he stepped over the threshold I wasn’t impressed, he was late & I was exhausted every minute of every hour I’d rushed out of the house to look at the road to see if he was coming, then rushed back in - when did you say John would be arriving? And I’d be told Soon, what did soon mean?
Then, we visited him. He had Alsatian dogs & geese he’d built a hatchery & had 200 chickens. He gave me an egg without a shell obviously magic & knowing that I wasn’t keen on it, he asked me to help give it a bath & to feed it. He explained everything, how to be gentle, check the water with the elbow & test the milk on the back of the hand. John wanted me to see how much he loved his son Robert.
When the crash happened the television & radio were surreptitiously turned off, the newspaper removed, so when Mary said - Shame about John - my ears pricked up as my mother said - she doesn’t know yet - no sooner did my mother explain than I ran upstairs, laid every picture of John out as I tried to understand what it all meant.
My mother came & knelt next to me & whispered in my ear. Remember nobody dies until you forget them. So, long as you remember John he’ll always be alive in your memory & forever in your heart.
I remembered the egg, ran to the fridge, it was ALL shrivelled up & all I could think was, was it my fault he died?
That winter I had my first asthma attack & ended up in bed in-between my parents crying - I know I’m with you - but I want to be with my mummy & my daddy.
10 was the year my father got me out of bed & put me into bed with my mother within minutes came back & started to hit her. It was the year I’d stand by their door listening figuring out if I should run in to protect my mother. It was the year I’d sit on her lap & dare him to hit me first. 10 was the first time we left my father
One day my parents were arguing, I stepped in, my father grabbed my wrist & flung me against the cabinets & as he raised his hand, I dared him to hit me, in that moment his eyes changed, & he walked away.
In 1982 my father told me John had written to him. He didn’t want to fly the aircraft commercial pressure forced him to. He took the letter to BALPA who told him to put it away. Context IS everything